There are lots of reasons that people like having sex. Sex can be a way for people to become connected to one another, or it can be pure fun. It can also a stress reliever. But one of the most common reasons people like to have sex or masturbate, of course, is because it can feel really really good. When sex or masturbation ends in orgasm, it is usually an enjoyable, pleasurable release that comes with a myriad of benefits—both psychological and physiological.

Even if you’re someone who likes having sex (alone or with another person) and you want to do it in order to achieve an orgasm, you might find it hard to climax. Not everyone can achieve orgasm easily. But, if you find it hard to climax, fear not—you don’t have to simply accept the fact that you’re not going to come. In fact, it’s important to know that you’re totally normal. There are lots of reasons that people struggle to orgasm, and these reasons range from the strictly biological to the only-psychological (and everything in between!) If you want some help coming to orgasm, whether you’re having sex solo or with someone you care about, read on. The following tips can help get you to climax, whether you’re masturbating, having sex with a partner, or enjoying an encounter with someone exciting and new.

Create the Mood in the Room Around You

A lot of being able to reach orgasm when you have sex is being in the right mindset. The room you are masturbating or having sex in should feel sensual and stimulating. It should make you think of sex, not distract you from what you are doing. So, if you want to help yourself climax, start by creating the mood. Lower the lights, put out lit candles, and turn on music that feels sensual to you. Each person’s tastes are different, so pay attention to what feels sexual to you in an environment. Then, spend some time recreating this in the space around you.

Get in the Right Mindset

In addition to feeling like your environment can help you come, it can be really helpful if you want to climax to ensure that you are properly turned on and that your thoughts are on sexual topics. There are lots of ways to get turned on: send dirty texts to the person you’re dating; read magazines, stories, or books that are full of hot and descriptive sex scenes; or look at images or videos that incorporate sexual material that turns you on. Once you are thinking about sex and your body feels turned on, you’ll be one step closer to reaching orgasm.

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Get to Know Your Own Body

One reason that women don’t climax easily is because they don’t know their own body sexually. Instead, in their sexual encounters, they spend time pleasuring or serving a partner. Not knowing or ignoring your own physiology can mean that you don’t even know what makes you feel good and what can make you climax. To get to know your own body, spend some time alone, masturbating. Try touching multiple parts of your body, including your clitoris, labia, and inside your vagina. Try to find your g-spot. Switch up the ways that you touch yourself: you may want to try long, gentle strokes, tapping, or more rapid thrusting. If you spend time touching yourself and seeing what feels good to you, you may be able to learn what parts of your body feel the best to touch and what types of touch can help turn you on and bring you to orgasm. Once you know your own body and likes, you can help direct your sexual partners to them and increase your chances that you can climax with a partner, as well.

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Try Toys to Help

One invaluably useful tool that can help bring you to orgasm is a sex toy. There are tons of toys that are known to help women climax, from vibrators to dildos, and beyond. Here are some of the best to try out, depending on what kind of stimulation you like:

• Satisfyer Pro 2: The Satisfyer Pro 2 is a clitoral stimulator is a great toy for anyone who knows and likes an orgasm brought on by clitoral touch.
• Better Love Lily Rabbit Vibrator: The Rabbiti s legendary for helping women achieve unbelievable orgasms. This toy can be inserted in the vagina to stimulate the G-spot while also stimulating the clitoris.
• Better Love Ellas First G-Spot Vibrator: You may discover in this process that you have a g-spot (!) and that it’s the spot that’s most likely to make you come. If you think this might be you, the Better Love Ellas First G-Spot Vibrator is a great toy to try as it is shaped specifically to rub your G-Spot.

At the end of the day the ability to orgasm is one of the best parts of having sex. If you struggle to climax, you don’t have to give up hope. Instead, there are some steps you can take to help get you in the right mindset, and to help you get to know your body better. Spend some time figuring out what you like and what feels good to know. Once you’ve mastered the ability to make yourself come, you can help show your partners and ensure that sex is a pleasurable experience for you, no matter who you’re having it with.